Lao Lao Yum Yum

March 4, 2011

As predicted, we managed to spend four days in Nong Khiaw .... a virtual eternity for two gypsies who haven't been anywhere long enough to use the entire roll of complimentary toilet paper. Don't get me wrong; a gypsy never leaves a good roll behind, but it was a good length of time. David, Sander, and I had spent the first day relaxing in a family owned and operated restaurant. We loved the food, the hammocks, and the price of the beer. On top of excellent Lao fare, the family had been taught to cook German food by a friend who visited them every year. An aging pseudo-hippie; this guys tan would give a saddle-bag a run for it's money. Mr. Saddle-bag, more fondly known as Ingo, had been overdue to write the latest eleven page menu. Since English seemed to be everyones second language and the appetizer "flied poodle with egg" gets less appealing the more you think about it, I offered to re-write and illustrate the new menu. Mr. Moon, Mekara Restaurants' head honcho, had a sharpie, three black ballpoints, and a stack of computer paper in front of me before I could blink. I couldn't find toothpaste in this town ... where the hell did he get computer paper? Agreeing on a Beer Lao as payment I set to work, thrilled to be sketching and translating herbs and spices I'd never of. Of course, David and Sander had been there 'coaching' me, and soon the entire family had taken an interest in what I was working on. Three year old Mekara, after whom the restaurant was named, was especially helpful when she hijacked my marker and did some art of her own. We took a well-deserved break for 'art time': she drew me a lovely series of squiggles, and I drew her a simple cat and taught her to "meow" at the picture. For the next three days she walked around meowing at everything. By my second day, up nice and early to catch the spooky mist-shrouded sunrise, I was almost half way done the menu. Mr. Moon was so thrilled that he offered to take my support team and I out in the boat, to teach us to fish and make a proper beachside Lao BBQ. We spent the afternoon learning how to hold and fold a giant handmade net, and how to throw it into river and haul it out without the fish slipping out the weighted ends. Having mastered the skill early, Sander caught two fish whose combined length was a whopping 2.5 inches. I was the most skilled and successful at snaring the elusive vegetarian fish: river weeds. To be fair, you actually can eat them. Thankfully Mr. Moon caught a few for our BBQ. I feigned a riverside attack by a large unknown beast, who I captured and killed by smacking it loudly on the edge of the table. I unwrapped and promptly devoured the dreaded Granola Bar.
The following days, Mr. Moon plied us with Lao Lao (homemade rice whiskey), I worked on the menu and taught Mrs. Moon how to make coconut french toast, we adventured in some caves, and some cute local kids accidentally gave David a fat lip while they did backflips off his knees into the river.

On our last evening, I was able to finish the menu and present the family with the master copy. Mr. Moon was extremely pleased and so thankful. He looked so proud of his new menu (the best in town, no doubt!) and was thrilled that he would no longer have to 'explain' all of the traditional Lao food. Mekara came out and gave me a colorful handmade silk scarf from the family as a thank you gift. Sander sniffled a bit. At Mr. Moons insistence, the four of us stayed up late and did our best to properly sterilize Davids cut lip with more Lao Lao and laughter - the best combination for new friends, if you ask me.

Slaughter.