The triumph of awesomeness

March 6, 2011

As soon as I posted that we were traveling in Laos I received emails and notes from friends begging me to go to Vang Vieng. So I read up, and most reviews were mildly favorable, but all stressing that the town was only for the party-inclined. After southern Thailand, how many more drunk and shirtless Australian 'dudes' could I tolerate? I am traveling the globe for real adventure and moments of true cultural inspiration. But, if there were shirtless men, would there be shirtless women? In the interest of cultural research David and Sander voted to stop in. Plus, it broke up what would have otherwise been a 13 hour bus day. We rolled in late, and like the responsible adults we are, we searched long and hard for a cheap place that could offer the precious silence available when distanced from popular bars. At nine the next morning there were no topless women, so we went out for breakfast. Sipping coffee with our pinkies out, the three of us old cynics pondered the possibility of having fun participating in Vang Viengs famed 'tubing'. A bunch of drunks, being irresponsible, and floating down a river in sun-soaked black inner tubes. Yawn. We consulted the guidebook only to find that there wasn't much else to do in the area, so we finished our lengthy breakfast and reluctantly decided to hit the river. After forking out the prescribed cash for a tube, we crammed ourselves into a shared tuk-tuk and headed to the launch site. We had been told that most people don't make it past the first four bars that line the river banks. Oh how we laughed at the idea of those poor pathetic people and their lack of appreciation for real culture. We would float past these tourist traps and the junky-monkies that got stuck at them. We would enjoy a blissful day of friendly solitude and relaxation while floating down the river.

When we emerged from the tuk-tuk, we rubbed our eyes in disbelief. Instead of a couple ugly bars on a riverbank, there was a sprawling adult playground, designed specifically for the triumph of awesomeness over common sense. It looked like it was built with bamboo rods and car parts, chewing gum (probably) and high tension wire by a group of 10 year old boys left to their own devices. If I were a king, this would be my kingdom; complete with the death-defying trapezes, enormous tube launchers, high-speed chute slides, dizzying diving platforms, and back-wrenching zip-lines that would give your dear mother a heart attack just to look at. And yes, sorry mom, I tried them all. More than once. I even taught David to play beer-pong. The Australians were bragging ... we had to put them in their place. That said, Sarah the Safety Bear would like to remind you that excessive alcohol consumption and river swimming are a poor combination. We paced ourselves, stopping at every crazy piece of playground equipment along the way instead of getting hammered, and made it to the pickup point safely.

We left Vang Vieng a day later than planned, since we hadn't acquired enough bruises or sunshine in round one. In fact, my bruised ass is making the current bus ride to Vientiane extremely unpleasant, but the memory of the awe-inspiring 5 meter cannon ball it resulted from makes the whole thing worth it.

Slaughter.